When the unexpected happens and a new parent is living with depression, the situation can be frustrating. Pregnancy, mood and anxiety disorders can affect the whole family. There is no magic wand to cure depression and recovery may feel slow, but with a plan and dedication to health care, support and communication, it does get better over time. No matter how hard you try, or how much you love your partner, recovery takes longer than you want. You have to wait this out with each other.
As you support your partner, it is important that you also take care of yourself:
· Ask for help, information and support for yourself.
· Say YES when help is offered.
· Develop a family support team for your family.
· Take time for yourself.
· Talk to other families who have been on the same journey.
· Spend time with your baby to develop your own parenting confidence.
You can help your partner in many ways:
· Reassure the new mom. This is not her fault, she is not alone and she WILL get better.
· Encourage her to talk about her feelings and listen without judgment.
· Help with housework before she asks.
· Encourage her to take time for herself.
o Fatigue is a major contributing factor to worsening depressive symptoms.
· Don’t expect her to be “super housewife,” even if she’s home all day.
· Be realistic about what time you will be home and come home on time.
· Help her reach out to others for support and treatment.
· Schedule some dates with her and work together to find a babysitter. Or, simply have a date night at home.
· Offer simple and safe affection and physical comfort, but be patient if she is not up to sex.
o It is normal to have a low sex drive when in depression.
o Rest and recovery will help to bring this back over time.
· Make sure she eats regularly throughout the day to maintain her blood sugars. Have healthy and easy snacks on hand.
· Listen. Keep lines of communication open.
· Ask her how you can help right now. If she doesn’t know, make suggestions.
Depression is not a choice and it takes time, support and treatment for recovery. Your encouragement and co-parenting will make a difference. Postpartum.net is a great online resource for all families struggling with depression and supplements health care and therapy work. You can call their “Dads Chat with an Expert” on the first Monday each month for a free phone call with a trained facilitator on pregnancy, postpartum mental health and family support. These calls are limited to the first 15 callers and last for about one hour. There are also weekly calls for moms and peer-helpers on Wednesdays.
Reaching out to other families at our New Parent Group, and remembering that you are not the only family going through growing pains, is important. For those of you also caring for aging parents, you may find our blog about becoming the Sandwich Generation helpful. As always, reach out to Labor of Love for support accessing community resources before, during or after your delivery. Our goal is to provide our families with the best resources our community has to offer. LovelaceLaborOfLove@lovelace.com / 505.727.7677
Submitted by Kym Halliday Clear, RN / Manager Outpatient Programs, Lovelace Women’s Hospital